Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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