my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
