u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
