It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
