I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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