it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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