dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
