that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
