that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
