No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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