Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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