Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you win again, gameday.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
