..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
