There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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