Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
There r osticjed everywhere
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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