did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
