i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
