Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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