he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
