If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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