I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
