Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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