I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just google imaged poop.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Come share oat with me in your robe
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
