Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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