Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize