Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
