i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
