So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
