You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
