Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
