I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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