Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Too much gin, very little bucket
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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