I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I love having hate sex.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
