my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
