I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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