The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
