I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
