Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
