out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
