he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
