And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize