hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
