it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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