You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
