i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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