The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
