Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
