I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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