My pussy is not your playground.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
how does that bad decision feel?
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