just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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