discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
