I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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