just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
