we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
