there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
