Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
