Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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