Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
