I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
