and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
