I can't breathe out the right side of my face
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize