she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
