his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Randomize
