I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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