also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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