i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize