Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
