when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He shit in the fireplace
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
