the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
