I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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